top of page


What if the church told us there was more to not having sex before marriage other than the “thou shalt not” or “you know that’s a sin, right?”

Growing up in the church, we were told that we couldn’t do A LOT, but no one ever gave us a reason. Although that may have worked for the previous generations, I’m 100% sure that it’s not working now. I did a little research and came up with a couple of ways why the older generation and the church never had a conversation about sex.

1. The upbringing of the previous generation:

Our parents/grandparents/guardians are our first teachers. From the womb, it becomes a game of follow the leader. Children start to copy their parent’s actions and not question if it is right or wrong. Not only do we mimic what they do, but we also do everything they tell us to do (most times) out of obedience as a child. I took a course in psychology, and we talked about social psychology. One of the social psychologies that we discussed is obedience. We talked about how we are just merely obedient to authority. We didn’t question what or why they asked us to do or not to do something.

2. Not educated or lack of understanding:

Most of our great-grandparents and even grandparents did not have the proper schooling. My grandmother only made it to the 8th grade. They lived off the bible and the bible alone. They took every scripture literally. One older lady told me that they couldn’t even play with MARBLES because the bible John 3:7 says, “do not MARVEL that I said to you. Someone, PLEASE explain to me how they got that. My mom and her siblings couldn’t go to the beach, movie theatre, or even play cards in my grandmother’s house.

3. They scared them by threatening hell:

I remember talking to a friend who’s not that much older than me but grew up in a very religious, traditional church. He mentioned that one day he gave in to temptation and had sex. Immediately afterward, he thought to himself, “God is getting ready to send me to hell at this very moment.” The teaching he was taught told him that as soon as you sin, hell is your home. As he left the young lady’s house, he just knew that God would cause the elevator to malfunction, and he would drop to his death, and he never had sex again. The fear that his parents and church put in him caused him not to want to have sex.

How many of you relate to either one of the reasons above?

Instead of threatening us, explain the reasons why we shouldn’t. Tell us stories about you and why you have come to these conclusions.


I thought of two ways it has affected me. I’m sure there are many ways, but this is what I have experienced:

1. Soul ties:

Had someone told me about soul ties before having sex, I probably would’ve been more cautious. I was NOT out here having sex with everyone, but I have been in a soul tie and hunni, that is nothing to play with. It’s like making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and then pulling the sandwich apart. If you look at both sides, you will have jelly on what used to be the peanut butter side and peanut butter on what used to be the jelly side. You have a piece of that person’s spirit with you forever. Good or Bad, you two have joined together as one according to 1 Corinthians 6:15.

2. Comparison:

One thing I fear is, “What if my future spouse sucks in bed?” I KNOW I’m not the only one lol. But the only reason I feel this way is because I have already experienced what to me is great sex (don’t tell my daddy). I now worry about comparing my spouse to the “great sex” I previously had. Had I waited, this wouldn’t have been a big issue for me.

These two reasons explain the “thou shalt not” or the because “it’s a sin” reason. Not saying God telling us not to isn’t a good enough reason, but take it a step further and explain.



84 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Graced to to navigate the wait

The Bible mentions the word "wait" an astonishing 116 times. If we delve into its meaning, waiting implies staying put and resisting the urge to rush until the right moment arrives. In today's world,


"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." - Joshua 1:9 (NIV) Imposter syndrome is the condi


There comes a time in our lives when we will experience some heartbreak. Whether from a failed relationship, losing a loved one, or rejection, many of our hearts have been broken. Nothing about having


bottom of page